I Quit Again (2-14-09)

I should start with an apology. There are times when a man wishes he is a better man than he is. Today was Valentine’s Day. A day for me to acknowledge my love relationship. To truly love something or someone leaves you exposed to true pain and suffering. A severe pain tolerance is very different than a chronic pain tolerance. The suffering loss of my love relationship has been traumatic, chronic, and perpetual making it constant and unabated. Under this strain I have done all I can to remain strong but today I admit my failure. I can’t do this anymore. Add to this the constant assault against any attempt to do what is right by these highpriests of witchcraft and my shoulders have folded. I honestly wish I could be your champion and at moments I thought I could be but I must quit. I can’t pull off Phase One under these conditions. Maybe if God should have mercy upon me and somehow I prevail in any timely fashion an appeal or otherwise I can renew my strength and revisit my goals. I asked my wife for a divorce. It is said hope deferred makes the heart grow sick and the guilt associated with all your dashed hopes and hers has crushed me. I know my apology is shallow but a broken man lacks the depth you desire of me. I can offer the token I’ll remain in prayer for you but what offering is this. It is obvious God doesn’t answer my prayers. I don’t want to sound like a whiner so I think it best to just quit and to end the communication. I see no need to maintain this blog or to respond to your letters. Let’s just write me off to a failure. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

P.S. As you can tell from the words of the prior paragraph there are some very strange words to hear from me. Even more so words like these many of you have spoken. These are atheistic words a vocabulary of doubt. The faith you have seen me display unwavering is the antithesis and annihilator of this vocabulary. Many of you can relate to this vocabulary but I have to ask you, can you continue to use them without losing your faith? It cannot be done. When one comes under the fire of unyielding circumstance spiritual forces tempt us to skew our vision away from our Creator. When we remain focused on Christ a vocabulary of praise for the attributes we see fills our soul. How can a vocabulary of doubt be reconciled with a Supreme God, a Sovereign God, a faithful God, a loving God, a patient God, a Holy God, and an immutable God? Have we so quickly forgotten His power over all creation to effect His will? NOTHING that enters your life has failed to pass through the Sovereignty of God. His sanction has already been stamped upon it. Where is murmuring, complaining, quiting, or a vocabulary of doubt? Is there any place for them for those who are chosen to be conformed into the image of His Son? Surely none of your worry or concern over Dorean, banker fraud, your foreclosure, or auxiliaries has brought you any again. My question to you is how can you not trust the God with these attributes? Do you think it a lie, an inducement of fraud upon man by man. I have never seen any attribute in man that would invent a God whose displeasure with his shortcomings would end with eternal damnation. To do this would require first the invention of a Holy God I could displease. No when men invent their gods they make Him benevolent, forgiving, and subject to their whims and fancies. You end up with stupid staff like 70 virgins, becoming a god myself, no hell, 100% paradise acceptance, and no conforming to anything except possibly personal ethics and social aesthetics. This is clearly displayed in the rhetoric of the retards on this blog.

My charge to you is don’t lose hope, never quit, change your vocabulary and focus. Look to the wonderful God who truly exists. Apply a justified faith to your circumstances and outlast all your enemies. This is the source of my strength and the same for you. We can truly say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Know your God as we are known of God. All things come to an end when they meet their beginning. God is our beginning without end. As He is for you He is for all your troubles. We shall not be moved or defeated.

I loathe my suffering from my comfort desire but I cannot quit, nor can I find words in my vocabulary to express the development of the thought. Though I tease you intentionally with quiting if you knew God as I do you would know how utterly impossible that act would be and the joke would become an improbability. Be of good cheer the attributes of our God ensure I am a finisher. As to writing any more on this blog: I QUIT!