Let me begin with a quote from David Brainerd (1718-1747) “When I really enjoy God, I feel my desires of Him the more insatiable, and my thirstings offer holiness the more unquenchable… Oh, for holiness! Oh, for more of God in my soul! Oh, this pleasing pain! It makes my soul press after God… Oh, that I may feel this continual hunger, and not be retarded, but rather animated by every “cluster from Canaan,” to reach forward in the narrow way, for the full enjoyment and possession of the heavenly inheritance. Oh, that I might never loiter on my heavenly journey!”
It appears I was not the first to use the word “retard” to describe a spiritual state. How many in their own eyes find their hearts righteous and judge others so easily. Recently a “brother” told me I broke his heart when he saw me sitting at a poker table. In addition he quoted a proverb to rebuke me with the import… bad company corrupts. Later not satisfied by my response he pulled me over to remind me my life is an open letter to be read by other men. I found this a most telling confession and poignant to the retarded spiritual state I boisterously opposed. I am a man who lives my life as an open letter I neither hide my faith or my faults. I live honestly before men and God. Yet this brother like all my critics here carry a sealed indictment in their hearts ready at all times to bring another under their accusation and judgment. They are as much a fraud as judge Alsup. They apply the law to others they excuse themselves from. They hang around the like minded corrupted soul within the church. Like vultures ready to swoop down upon any carrion left over from the many wounds inflicted by their judgments. These types have done more than all persecutions of history to drive men away from Christ. They froth and foam to muster others into their religious rituals while excluding them from the humble love relationship they are called to. I hate the spirit that possesses these men. They profess themselves wise and are ignorant of how retarded they are. Can a man be so easily judged by outward evidence. Let me use my codefendant Bill in example. I personally think he chose cowardice instead of faith. My opinion is developed out of my experience and the choices faith fostered upon me. The opinion may be justified but the objective criteria by which I judge him is completely subjective. I have no real knowledge of the work of God in his life. Jesus sequestered himself away from the crowd (Lk. 19:10) as a coward or in obedient wisdom? Later He stood. (Jn. 18:1-8) Was Bill not called to this stand? God did not give me revelation by which to say thus sayeth the Lord and then to judge his response. That word came but only for self relevance. I could move to judgment of my brother and simultaneously move to self condemnation. If he failed he and God know. If he did not fail a harvest remains. If I love Christ I do not look to my brother as a failure that increases the light by which I see myself but rather as one who in league step seeks to bring glory and honor to our beloved in advancement of His kingdom. Everything else is a retarded fraud and a sealed indictment carried in your heart that will be unsealed by Christ and read as your personal accusation.